Come On People. Bitch Like You Mean It......

Controversy sucks. Controversy BLOWS.

But controversy is welcome by many in this here brogger community as a form of entertainment.

Unfortunately, your rants BLOW.


-This person cheated that person! This person doesn't like that person!
-Oh, look! There's a clique! Not fair!
-He chopped! He chopped! What a mother fucker!
-A-list! B-list! H-List!
-Look at the Special Olympics kid! He's about to eat the track! Lighten up Francis!


Yadda yadda yadda. It's like fun at first, then old.

I need you to entertain me when the time comes to let someone have it. Yes, mostly it's personal in nature. But since it hasn't involved me, I need some humor or something to continue reading.

Because frankly, it gets old. And if personal, then it should be so I guess. But that's another subject altogether.

Anyway......


Lemme see if I can muster up a good rant.

Hmmm.

(thinking)

(thinking harder)

Okay, got it.


This is entirely an example, folks. No animosity towards the person I am selecting. And that person is Smokkee......or however the fuck you spell his name today.

Fucking l33ter 5peakr.


Ok, Smoke is a great guy, especially in person if you've had the chance to meet him. Mine was briefly albeit wonderful during the winter brogger gathering along with his lovely new bride Love Elf. Together, these 2 are just great people.

And Smoke, as we all know, was instrumental in creating a great tournament on Bodog that garnered a ton of interest with incredible weekly prizes.....and unfortunately an unused final prize. It's a shame really, because Smoke did so much for this series......as did the fine folks of Bodog.

But a great series nonetheless that allowed some folks to try something new and for some, get paid handsomely to play.


That being said, I again state this. I have ZERO animosity towards Smokkee whatsoever. Great guy. He is just my guinea pig for this one.



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Example of rant/reeming that states a person's flaws through his/her blog

$m0kkee. Good job rebranding your name/blog title with the $ sign so that you are on top of both my google reader AND bloglines feeds. Real fucking fair. By the way, I'd like to introduce myself. My name is ~!@#jjok. I'm the dude who will be at the top your fucking list now. Oh, and thanks for turning your rss feed into summaries in an attempt to get clickthroughs. Here's a more detailed reason why you BLOW, it's because you are a .....

[[ This is a content summary only. Visit my website for full links, other content, and more! ]]

See, now this is a good reeming rant. I've pointed out some personal blogstuffs that smokkee does that are obvious to many and easily "makefunable". And to add to it, I've included his little "summary" warning which we all see every day in our bloglines and google reader.

That's just classic, A1 prose right there.

Plus, I linked myself on the BLOW part. That's a critical piece here. Link to yourself alot.


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OK, now if you want to get original, that helps too.

How about a newswire report?

San Diego(AP) A San Diego man was involuntarily removed from his house today after refusing to remove a 30 foot BODOG banner from the front of his house.

The man, the name withheld until bail is set, refers to himself as $m0kkee and was seen being guided out of his house after a standoff with officials. At question is a large banner in the front of house brandishing a scantily clad woman and a Bodog emblem. Upon exiting his house, the male subject repeatedly was quoted as shouting "They have fast cash payouts! The best tournament structure!".

A hearing will be scheduled for tomorrow where bail will be set.

According to neighbors, "$m0kkee" is known for his eratic behavior in regards to football too, when he emblazened his lawn with a giant yellow San Diego Chargers lightning bolt. After several attempts by the housing association to have the spraypainted lightning bolt removed, $m0kkee obliged following the Chargers loss to the Patriots on January 20th. After the loss, he held a candlelight vigil to mourn and ceremoniously mowed his lawn to the gentle sound of Taps.

See, and to spice it up, I made it an AP wire. That gives it some decent legitimacy, right? Note that I used italics for authenticity. That's a good thing to do too.

Plus it pointed directly to some of Smokkee's historical leanings such as Bodog and the San Diego SOOOOOPER Chargers.



So folks, take pride in your bitchfests. Take note of this fine examples I've provided of how to blast away a person.

And if you want me to blast you, please leave a comment. Can't guarantee I can come up with material for some of you......but some of you would be so fucking easy, including myself.


That's all, bitches.

I am ICrushBloggers.......writer.

Or not.